I have very few vivid memories in my life, but possibly one of the most defining moments that I will never forget was when God called me to attend UC Merced for college. This story starts with a feeling many Central Valley natives are familiar with… a burning desire to leave the second they get […]Read more "a place to lay my head"
Death, you have no place here. Not in my flesh, not in my spirit. Death, you try and you try but you will never win. You’ve been my companion since birth, eating away at me with each passing minute. You’re a friend to the clock, you work hand-in-hand, never informing me of your coming. You […]Read more "a word for death"
The reality is that I’ve come to flinch away from the holiday seasons. They’re always reminders of sadder times for me. They’re reflections of the things people have lost. The happiness that is elevated for so many other people is a stark contrast to the deep melancholy that has filled my heart in this season. […]Read more "raw sessions: holiday blues"
It’s not truly winter yet, but my winter season has already come in full force. It looks like a lone key sitting, returned, on my dining room table. It smells like home-cooked Filipino food that greets me when I go home. It feels like my cat who nestles at my side as I fall asleep. […]Read more "my winter song"
I’m already cranky as I️ leave my apartment this morning. I’m not looking forward to being carsick, and I️ have been dreading this day for weeks, because I️ was not ready to deal with grief again. So I️ held it together. I️ slept in the car, and I️ kept myself stoic as we entered into […]Read more "raw sessions: funeral thoughts "
I was talking to my Sponsor and this is what came out of it. I remember sitting still after I had said the words out loud, tears of wonder gathering behind my eyes, while my Sponsor smiled knowingly: “The worst pain I’d ever experienced thus far was having made my mistake and having gone back […]Read more "prodigal daughter"
This has been a season of gritting my teeth in anguish to keep from screaming out loud. I’ve experienced heartbreak, betrayal… I’ve watched yet another loved one pass away as I watch yet another one fade away. I’m watching friends’ hearts shattering to the floor, and I’m watching people who I love deeply experience deep-seated […]Read more "raw sessions: even when it hurts"