***This is to a specific person in my life, you know who you are. But I hope whoever else is reading might be able to receive from this as well.
Dearest Friend and Sister,
I just wanted to remind you that you are loved and cherished deeply by your Creator. The hands that fashioned the stars and grew the flowers in their fields has even more lovingly knitted you together. You are precious, and the weight you hold in this world is one that can never be discarded and thrown away.
Please know this as well, I love you deeply. My love is not perfect, and it most definitely cannot compare to the love that our God has for you. But know that you are also deeply cherished by me. You are rooted in my heart. In the forest of people I have in my life you are a strong tree that is rapidly growing and flourishing.
I have made mistakes; so many of them. Last semester I was so wrapped up in anger and bitterness that I left you behind, and I am so so deeply sorry that I have hurt you. I am so deeply sorry that I catered to your deepest insecurity of leaving you behind. I failed you as a friend and I failed to care well for you. I think I may spend the rest of my life making up for walking away from you and the rest of our community.
I think it’s safe to say that God wrecked me though. That while He healed me, He also reminded me about what it looked like to care for His people. Every joyous day I had healing, He also let me feel the deep lack of community in my life. Every moment I had enjoying His creation, I could hear Him whispering to me that I was never meant to enjoy this life alone. That while yes, YES He was more than enough, and that while YES He was always going to be with me, I was not fashioned for isolation. He gently reminded me that I was a relational being, and that I needed my community around me. Everyday I grew independent, I also grew to miss community; and you are a part of that deep community.
Remember that analogy in Scary Close? The one about the woman who saw friendships as trees in her life? Trees grown over time through years of struggle and storms? You are one of those trees. As much as I tried to run away, you were already there deeply rooted in the forest of my friendships. It couldn’t be helped, for you are scored on my own heart. I have a lot of little shrubs in my forest, and I love those shrubs. But you, you my friend, my sister you are a redwood tree. You take up space and continue to grow. Your roots deepen and your branches reach high. For you to be struck out of my life, God Himself would have to root you out, and I don’t think that will ever happen. You are already a part of my forever. If I get married someday, you WILL be one of my bridesmaids. Through graduation, through missions, through death I see you there. And when we eventually head into eternity together, we will do so knowing we lived a life serving and praising our God together.
My sister, you are such a caring person. You love as Christ loves. With reckless abandon. With grace. With sacrifice. I am so sorry that people have chosen to take hurt you. You, in all your grace lay your heart out for them, and they can choose to either hurt you or care for you. And I’ll say it again and again until your ears bleed. I am so sorry people have chosen to hurt you, you do not deserve to be hurt. You have done nothing to deserve this. There is nothing wrong with you.
You deserve to be pursued. You deserve to be cared for. People who only want you for what you can bring into their life don’t deserve to have your heart. You are so much more than a 911 call. You are so much more than the person to process with. Yes, those things are a part of you, but you are so much more than that. Your joy, your light, your smile, your derpiness, even the hurt and sorrow you carry… the things you are… those things are more than enough. I love you for all of who you are and what you are, and you don’t need to do anything to maintain your spot in my life.
I cannot promise to be the perfect friend. I have made mistakes and will continue to make them. But I will try. I will do my best to care for you. I will be here to ask you questions about your heart. I will press in on your life, and I will sit with you when you need to cry. I will give you space when you need it, and I will be there to cling to you when you need it. I will send you songs you love, I will watch movies with you, and I will read together with you. I’m not very good at verbal affirmation, but I will do my best to love you in that way. It’s a process, but I will try. I will pray for you, dear friend. I will cry out to God with you when we see injustice. In the spiritual battles that need to be fought, I will fight with you. I will be here to support you. And at the day, when you need ice cream, I will be here to bring it to you. I promise, I promise, I promise to do my best to walk through life with you. Let me know how I can best care for you, and I will try my hardest.
My sister, I will fight for you. My sister, I will fight through hardships with you. My sister, I will fight those who hurt you (maybe lolol).
I am so thankful for you, my dearest friend. I love you, I love you, I LOVE YOU.
O Lord, you have searched me and known me!
You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
you discern my thoughts from afar.
You search out my path and my lying down
and are acquainted with all my ways.
Even before a word is on my tongue,
behold, O Lord, you know it altogether.
You hem me in, behind and before,
and lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
it is high; I cannot attain it.
Where shall I go from your Spirit?
Or where shall I flee from your presence?
If I ascend to heaven, you are there!
If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!
If I take the wings of the morning
and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
even there your hand shall lead me,
and your right hand shall hold me.
If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me,
and the light about me be night,”
even the darkness is not dark to you;
the night is bright as the day,
for darkness is as light with you.
For you formed my inward parts;
you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
Wonderful are your works;
my soul knows it very well.
My frame was not hidden from you,
when I was being made in secret,
intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them,
the days that were formed for me,
when as yet there was none of them.
How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
How vast is the sum of them!
If I would count them, they are more than the sand.
I awake, and I am still with you.
Oh that you would slay the wicked, O God!
O men of blood, depart from me!
They speak against you with malicious intent;
your enemies take your name in vain.
Do I not hate those who hate you, O Lord?
And do I not loathe those who rise up against you?
I hate them with complete hatred;
I count them my enemies.
Search me, O God, and know my heart!
Try me and know my thoughts!
And see if there be any grievous way in me,
and lead me in the way everlasting!
-Soli Deo Gloria