a letter to my year ago self

Dear Fall 2015 Rebecca,

Oh, if you could see me now… you’d be proud. You’d be shocked too, I think. I’m in a much better place now (wow, it sounds like I’m dead). But really, my heart isn’t unbearably heavy anymore. I’m happy. I’ve grown.

-I’m no longer in pre-med and the world hasn’t ended. Sounds pretty nice since you’ve just come out of finals, huh?.

-I’ve reconciled with people. Great right? I promise it eventually gets better.

-I’ve entered into deep community. You don’t realize how important this is yet, you will eventually…

-I’m in a relationship (yes, a romantic one you dense piece of pie). I know what you’re thinking… ‘No way, I’m gonna be a single woman in ministry… EXCUSE ME? WITH WHO THOUGH?!’ Girl… you’d never guess.

-I’m going to Thailand for HUMAN TRAFFICKING MISSIONS. Dream come true or what??

You’re about to go through some deep ish this next semester. You thought this past fall semester was bad, just wait. Bear through it… take it one day at a time. You’re gonna do some stupid things, but you’re human. Deep breath okay? Say yes when Blake offers to take you on adventures. Embrace the new people in your life. Grow and expand. And when you start debating about whether or not you’ll study abroad, do it… your life will change. Also, Urbana is right around the corner for you. Have fun, kiddo, it changed a lot for you. You also may or may not find Urbaena, just not in the way you think teehee.

You already did what you did, so enough of that… But I’m here to apologize. I am so sorry I was so hard on you. I am so sorry I was unkind to you. I let pressure break you, I didn’t take care of you, and I forgot to remind you to turn to Christ. You figured that out later on, but it took a while. I’m so sorry about making you flee community. There’s nothing I can do about it now, but gosh… Becca I’m really sorry. It just sucks because you don’t know about the walls, you’re completely unaware of them. All you feel now is fear and hurt, and you don’t know why that is… you’re just running with it. I’m sorry I didn’t care well for you. I really am.

But hey… hey you made it out alive. I’m here to tell you that God poured out blessings upon blessings down on you. I wish I could show you a glimpse of what your life looks like now. The adventures you’ll go on, the things you’ll try, the places you’ll see, the people you’ll meet, the love you’ll receive… it’s all worth it in the end. And there’s so much more to come that I myself am unaware of.

Keep fighting.

Love,

Fall 2016 Rebecca

-Soli Deo Gloria

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