I wonder if you know what you left behind.
I hear the sound of my mother crying.
I see my family hunched over his body, wailing.
I want to do the same. But the tears won’t come.
I pretend that I’ve got it all together.
I feel like I’m about to burst.
I touch the box of memories I am afraid to open.
I worry that when I do remember, I won’t be able to pick myself back up again..
I cry when I remember the time we silently walked to the store because I wanted ice cream. I cry as I remember your steady gait that matched my short toddler legs. I cry when I recall that you held my hand as we crossed the street. I cry.
I understand that I’ll see you again.
I say that I am glad you are finally resting.
I dream that when I enter into eternity, you will lead my siblings to me and introduce them all to me by name.
I try desperately to take care of the ones you left behind.
I hope that I will make you proud, the way my mother made you proud.
I am sorry for the things I never got to say to you.
Grandpa, thank you.
-Soli Deo Gloria