raw sessions: funeral thoughts 

I’m already cranky as I️ leave my apartment this morning. I’m not looking forward to being carsick, and I️ have been dreading this day for weeks, because I️ was not ready to deal with grief again.  So I️ held it together. I️ slept in the car, and I️ kept myself stoic as we entered into…

prodigal daughter

I was talking to my Sponsor and this is what came out of it. I remember sitting still after I had said the words out loud, tears of wonder gathering behind my eyes, while my Sponsor smiled knowingly: “The worst pain I’d ever experienced thus far was having made my mistake and having gone back…

raw sessions: even when it hurts

This has been a season of gritting my teeth in anguish to keep from screaming out loud. I’ve experienced heartbreak, betrayal… I’ve watched yet another loved one pass away as I watch yet another one fade away. I’m watching friends’ hearts shattering to the floor, and I’m watching people who I love deeply experience deep-seated…

Hosea 2

To the lover of her soul, She betrayed you. She was cruel to you. She forgot you. She spat on your outstretched hand, and walked away from you. She was like Israel and was unfaithful to you. She sought refuge in the hands of other lovers. She lost sight of you. She spiraled until you…

marvel (a raw, but more joyful session)

How marvelous it is that His mercies are renewed every morning. This season has been difficult for me. I’ve battled bitterness, loneliness, insecurity, pain… I’ve elbowed my way through this transition and have fought God long and hard about this new season He had placed me in. But in the midst of that, I let…

the truth

I wish I could say this new season in life has been a whirlwind of fun and adventure. I wish I could say things have been easy, that life is seemingly perfect in this tucked away little pocket of the world. But in all honesty, this is one of the roughest transitions I have ever…

Dear Merced,

Last time I wrote to you, I was leaving for 2 months to galavant around the UK. This time, I write to you on my last full day as a Merced resident. Starting Saturday I move to a new town to start a brand new life, in a brand new home, in a brand new…

a scattered explanation of TJS Week One

Pattaya has managed to unleash an anger in me that I have never experienced in my life. It’s an anger that sees pain, and injustice, and cries out in response. I have never been so heartbroken and disgusted in my entire life. On a Thursday night we walked through the Red Light District. I had…

pre-Thailand jitters

Bags are packed. My plane outfit is laid out ready for me to slip into at 3am. TV shows caught up on so that I don’t wonder what happened for 5 weeks. But now I’m just sitting here, jittery, feeling butterflies in my stomach as the clock ticks down on my time left until I…